Basic plot rewrite outline

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imorgado
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Words

Post by imorgado » 29 Mar 2005, 23:58

5. These war like gods began to frighten the other gods, who called them "The Veshin", which in the old tongue meant "Blood Hungry".
6. The peacefull gods called themselves "The Oiri", which in the old tongue means "The Watchers from Afar"

It's really good have another language, but we must have something near reality

First we call:

The Veshin

The sounds like a english word. But let'go

The Veshin = If The means Bloody and Veshin means Hungry, how could The Oiri means The Watches from Afar?

Only an idea
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Post by Talaroc » 30 Mar 2005, 06:25

Um...I'm pretty sure the "the" is just in there because the story is being told in English. In Spanish translation it would be "Los Veshin," that sort of thing. Which means that it is simply "Veshin" that means "blood hungry."
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Post by Aacheron » 31 Mar 2005, 15:13

The main point is that wherein "the watchers from afar" specify "the" in the translation, "blood hungry" looks just like two evil-sounding words piled there for no apparent reason. There's not even a "the" there (not that it would do much of a difference without something like a hyphen: "the blood-hungry", in the sense of "hungry for blood".

I could half assume this was a typo/ommitment, but what not. So, the following...

old version:
The Veshin = (note lack of 'the') Blood Hungry
...vs...
The Oiri = The Watchers from Afar

changes made:
The Veshin = The Blood-Hungry (alternatively, Those Who Hunger)
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Post by Kyokai » 31 Mar 2005, 15:34

That's a silly thing to point out with the "the", but I do agree that "blood hungry" sounds far to evil. It should be something neutral, like "those who change" and "those who remain"
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I hope this helps...

Post by Nidis » 14 Apr 2005, 14:39

Y'know the simpler the story, the more you can twist it and make it unexpected. Look at Final Fantasy 4, it was so simple and created such an outcome. What you want in an RPG is for the story to start out light hearted, grow more connected to the characters and world over time, have a sharp turn that makes players realise the seriousness of the threat, bring up a heap of open ended mysteries and questions and tie it all up at the final scene. Look at Chrono Trigger.

1. Gods exist before time.

Give the time/existance a name. Make it an actual place or space and refer to it alot regarding major events, that way people following the story will realise that its a location of utmost importance which every good RPG needs for the final battle.

2. Gods create a world to play with in order to resolve disputes.

Seems like kinda ungodly behaviour... how about, the Gods create a world to uphold the laws of good will as they grow tired of their unequal roles as deities?

3. This world is imbued with Mana, which allows the gods to indirectly control the world.

Nice, you always need a manipulative source of power that can stretch to any limit. The mana that flows through the world is the essence of the God's will. Maybe good mana could sprout from the good Gods while the bad willed mana comes from the darker Gods.

4. Some of the gods began to quibble over every detail, destroying cities and lives.

Err... how about, the darker Gods want to make the worlds inhabitants more power thirsty, and the holier Gods want to make them more good willed. A feud breaks out and the gods are officially split into two sides as mentioned below.

5. These war like gods began to frighten the other gods, who called them "The Veshin", which in the old tongue means "Blood Hungry".

The holy gods banish the 'Veshin' from the flow of mana to the world. Maybe the Veshin create their own source of influential magic... like an anti-mana of some kind.

6. The peacefull gods called themselves "The Oiri", which in the old tongue means "The Watchers from Afar"

Rock on... the people begin to worship the Oiri and establish a culture/society based around their word.

7. In fear, The Oiri began to secretly take provisions in taming The Veshin.

Alright, why not take it a step further? The Oiri proclaim to the people the dangers of the Veshin and spread their teachings of Mana in an effort to protect the people. Thus, you have an explanation of magic for the game.

8. The created the Mana spirits to gaurd the mana power and to lock out the Veshin from using it.

Took the words out of my mouth, they create guardians of the mana each represented by their respective elements. Its an idea thats been overused for a reason, it works so well.

9. They then gave humans access to the power, teaching them how to use it, to protect themselves from the Veshin.

As stated before. Why not have the Veshin bestow their own powers upon some people of their own, in an effort to overpower the good willed Oirian people?

10. They gave humans six swords, one for each nation. Each sword contained the spirit of the world, a fragment of the mana tree. These swords were given to men to govern their counties in time of war.

Make the men special. Make each different one a galient leader of a nation or army or area, so that each place isnt just another "oh yeah, that guys land".

11. The Veshin discovered what the Oiri had done. Since they could no longer wield mana to attack the Mana World, the began to attack each other and the Oiri.

How about; the Veshin fight over each others power, bringing all hell upon the world. The two mightest Veshin strike eachother down and in their place grows the most absoloute source of power, a sword cast with the Veshin souls. The world lays in ruins at the corruption of power. I mean, why not?

12. The Oiri, in fear banished the Veshin to the Mana World, to view the destruction they had created.

Yeah...the weak Veshin are forever locked in the Veshin sword, left at the point where the last 2 Veshin were defeated.

13. In one last blow, as the Last Veshin was being sent to the Mana World he pulled upon all of strength and murdered the Oiri, banishing them into the void between worlds.

In its last moment, the sword summoned all power from every source of greed or hate in the world and slayed the Oiri. The sword was shattered into 6 pieces (same amount as there are Oiri swords, for gameplay reasons) and lay dormant.

14. One Oiri, before he died, instructed the Mana Spirits to never allow the Veshin access to their powers again, and to create 9 humans who are the Sages of Mana. These humans were meant to watch over the Veshin, and to make certain that they do not once again cause the destruction of the world.

The greatest Oiri and the last to die, forfeited his power into one final prophecy proclaiming that good will always provail and that justices hope lies on the birth of 9 children destined as the Sages of Mana. It was their duty to make sure the Veshin blades fragments are never reunited. (Now you have the final enemy set up, some black hearted NPC {or character from your party for a twist} who reunties the Veshin blade. Phase one, fighting the guy. Phase 2, fighting the sword. Phase 3, fighting the Veshin gods fused into the sword. Badabing badaboom, ending complete)

15. On earth, the Veshin overthrow each kingdom, stealing the swords from each leader. They had found a loop hole in the plan on the Oiri, that those who wielded the mana swords could still weild mana.

Well, in this plot, the Veshin are vanquished. So, lets make it the Veshins followers. ...wait...what? Im not following. Im going to stop at this point a write a whole file up telling the background story. Tell me if this is not helping! Im not trying to hijack the story! They're just idea's...
I've been told that to get what you want, you've just gotta give what you can.
But I know, for what i want, it wont come as easy as that...
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Post by Talaroc » 14 Apr 2005, 17:27

Um...you seem to be taking this along the lines of a traditional RPG. Do bear in mind that this is an MMO, which means the story has to be left open-ended; there is no ending, no single place where all the storyline bits are tied up. Individual players might discover places or people who can tie up some loose ends for them, but never everything.
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Post by Nidis » 14 Apr 2005, 18:45

Geez well I didnt know that at the time did I? :shock:
I've been told that to get what you want, you've just gotta give what you can.
But I know, for what i want, it wont come as easy as that...
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Post by Kyokai » 14 Apr 2005, 22:05

lol, you have alot of good ideas, Nidis. I think you're right about one thing, that we ought to make the story as basic as possible. One person write the gods' history, one write the sages' and spirits', one write the kingdoms', one write the swords', etc.

This would avoid threads like this that go one for 2 months yet resolve nothing. :shock: :shock: :shock:

Let's all volunteer which parts of the story we want to write, then give advice, but the final decision goes to the one who is doing the writing. Then we can get it done in a few weeks, rather than like we are now, two months and still not decided on anything except "gods exist before time."

I for one would like to volunteer to write the origins of the sages and temples in the Mana World.
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Post by Nidis » 15 Apr 2005, 08:32

I had my first shot at the game last night, its really shaping up like a kind of Chrono Trigger online. It definately looks the part. Either way, i'll just cover whatever isnt being covered. Im open, assign me to any aspect you want if need be 8) If you want the truth, I think a lot more focus should be placed on the gameplay elements. Story really takes a backseat in MMORPG's, so I was thinking maybe I could be a beta tester. I've played a million RPG's, I think I could really help with suggestions and adjustments to gameplay. Thats not my decision though. :wink:
I've been told that to get what you want, you've just gotta give what you can.
But I know, for what i want, it wont come as easy as that...
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Post by ElvenProgrammer » 15 Apr 2005, 11:33

We really need some beta tester, most of the people here are playing TMW, but noone is willing to spend 5 minutes to find the cause of a bug. Some requirements (not needed, but kindly welcome): availability (I'd like to be able to reach a beta tester when I'm in need especially on IRC)and patience (test doesn't mean play, beta-tester will be assigned tasks as every other member of the team).
Windows beta-testers are welcome, especially if they have different hardware to test on.

Contact me on IRC and we could talk about it.
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